I've thought a long time about whether or not I should write this post, because it is so personal and still so fresh. But it has been on my mind a lot lately and I would really like to share with you some of my thoughts. 

21. That's how old my little brother will be in a couple hours. Or how old he would have been. I mentioned in an earlier post that he passed, and it has been almost a full year. It seems so crazy to be saying that already. Our Tony Bologna. That's what we always called him growing up. It has been such a hard year, not having him around, but in a way it's harder for all of my family who lived near him and saw him all the time. I've lived in Oregon for four years now, so to go a while without talking wasn't uncommon for us. And now that is one of my regrets. That I didn't talk to him more after I moved away. And the fights we still had like we were both still teenagers. Or the fact that I didn't give him a hug and tell him I loved him the last time we talked. The thing I've realized though, is that I can't go on always thinking about the regrets I have. I know that he knew I loved him. So I would rather share with you a little bit about him, and how great of a guy he was.

Tony was my only brother, the next after me, and the only boy out of seven kids! We were only 18 months apart, so we were inseparable. We fought like crazy, but we were also always there for each other. We told each other everything, and I mean everything! We had no secrets between us, and the code we followed was that we never ratted on one another for the things we had done. We couldn't really, because as soon as one would threaten to tattle, the other had something else just as bad to use! Growing up we had a lot of the same friends, and it was always Amy and Tony. We did pretty much everything together.