I've thought a long time about whether or not I should write this post, because it is so personal and still so fresh. But it has been on my mind a lot lately and I would really like to share with you some of my thoughts. 

21. That's how old my little brother will be in a couple hours. Or how old he would have been. I mentioned in an earlier post that he passed, and it has been almost a full year. It seems so crazy to be saying that already. Our Tony Bologna. That's what we always called him growing up. It has been such a hard year, not having him around, but in a way it's harder for all of my family who lived near him and saw him all the time. I've lived in Oregon for four years now, so to go a while without talking wasn't uncommon for us. And now that is one of my regrets. That I didn't talk to him more after I moved away. And the fights we still had like we were both still teenagers. Or the fact that I didn't give him a hug and tell him I loved him the last time we talked. The thing I've realized though, is that I can't go on always thinking about the regrets I have. I know that he knew I loved him. So I would rather share with you a little bit about him, and how great of a guy he was.

Tony was my only brother, the next after me, and the only boy out of seven kids! We were only 18 months apart, so we were inseparable. We fought like crazy, but we were also always there for each other. We told each other everything, and I mean everything! We had no secrets between us, and the code we followed was that we never ratted on one another for the things we had done. We couldn't really, because as soon as one would threaten to tattle, the other had something else just as bad to use! Growing up we had a lot of the same friends, and it was always Amy and Tony. We did pretty much everything together.

Better a week late than never right? Of course one of my (kind of) resolutions was to start blogging more again, but like all my resolutions it's just something that I always want to do more of, and I have a hard time sticking to it. Or starting it for that matter. Case and point, and new year's post over a week in!

But again, I guess better late than never. Hopefully I can apply that to all of my other so-called "resolutions." I always have so many great ideas and good intentions for all of the things I want to do. I'm going to organize my whole house, keep up on my house work, play with my dog more, work on his training more, do all the yard work, pick up my knitting again, play more guitar, write more blog posts (ha!), do all of my projects, be better with my time, stop being late everywhere I go, and lose 15 pounds! It's really no wonder that I get so overwhelmed....

So I suppose I will have to just keep plugging along, and hopefully if I keep telling myself that "one of these days" it will all happen, then one of these days it will! Even if it's because one of these days I'm going to come up with a list of manageable goals and strategies to make them happen. Maybe that should have been my resolution. I think though, that I want to resolve to do any of these things at any point during the year, not just at the beginning.

For all that I feel I am failing in (or at least letting slide most of the time) I do feel like I am in a good place in my life, and I'm feeling pretty happy. I definitely still have my moments, and if I could just learn to be content with all that I have I would be so much better off, but over all I would say life is good right now. I recently changed jobs, from being a restaurant hostess to a substitute teaching assistant at a local elementary school! It was such a good choice, and I have really been loving it! The kids are great, and the hours are too. No more working nights or weekends for this girl! It's one of those choices in life that you kick yourself for not making sooner. I've made it now though, and so on this happier note, I hope 2013 brings great things, both big and small, for all of us!

Today is my four year wedding anniversary to my amazing husband, Dane! It feels in some ways like it was just yesterday we were getting married, and in other ways it feels like I've never been without him. In a good way of course! I feel like I couldn't have been blessed with a better companion to experience this life with. I mean sure, we have our ups and downs, but I'm happy to say that we've had more good times than bad. He works so hard to provide for us. Everything we have, our cars, our home, our pets, our food, we have because of what he does. I try to show him how much I appreciate him, and I hope he knows that. I know that my life is better because he is a part of it!

We started dating when I was 17 years old (almost exactly, our first date was the day after my birthday) and he was 22. He lived in Oregon, and I lived in Idaho, and even though our families knew each other, we didn't really know one another personally. He came on a camping trip with my family and some of our other friends, and that was when the magic started!  We had so much in common, and I was so excited to find that he loved reading almost as much as me! I knew I was in love with him by the end of that week, and that feeling has only grown stronger with time.

Living 500 miles away from each other posed a challenge though, and I missed him like crazy. He would come over about one weekend a month, and other than that we had to get by with late night phone calls and lots of texting! We dated for seven months before we got engaged, and the wedding was another seven months after that. A lot of people said that things wouldn't work between us, because we were young and long distance relationships never work out. Teachers at school thought I was making a mistake, that I couldn't know what I wanted in life because I would be getting married when I was only 18.

Well it's been four years, and I hope we get 60 more together! He really is my best friend, and I can't believe I got so lucky to find him when I was so young. He makes me feel so special, loved, and appreciated. I only hope that I can always do the same for him!

Here's a couple of pictures of us together :)